What I Learned From 2 1/2 Years in Polyamorous Relationships.

Out of all the shocking events my friends and family watched during my deconversion, my foray into poly relationships was one of the biggest; at least it seemed that way to me. It was what I got the most questions about anyway. It was kinda funny to me to listen to peoples' concerns that ranged from the effects on my marriage, how I would explain it to my kids, STDs, and what I would do if I became pregnant. To me, the answers to these questions were simple... the same thing any sexually active unwed parent would: with caution and information. I thought that would be obvious, but I guess not. I have to assume the idea that I could sleep with more than one person at time and be happy just wouldn't fit into their heads.

I want to define what a polyamorous relationship is so there is no confusion. I also want to mention that my relationship met all of these guide lines. A polyamorous relationship is one in which all members involved are consenting adults and are aware of the separate relationships their partners are involved in. Everyone knows before getting involved that exclusiveness is not to be expected in other partners and everyone is good with this idea.

The meat of this post is, "what I learned from my experiences as a slut". Well, to start off it can be complicated. I had five partners that I would see on a semi-regular basis, and it got hard to divide up the time between them all. That lead to hurt feelings and jealousy. Jealousy can be a big problem if not kept in check. When someone feels they should be getting more time from a partner and it just wasn't there to give resentment can grow, so communication is very important to say the least. I also had to keep an eye out for any of them trying to undermine any of my other relationships or partners. A prime piece of advice for anyone thinking about starting this type of relationship, "don't start one with someone how doesn't really want it, too. It won't work and people will just get hurt".

I also found it can be pretty awesome when it does work. One of the most meaningful sexual experiences I have had was a threesome that involved my life partner and another male partner. I felt surrounded by love, and it was beautiful. There is also the ability to never have to go a day without sex if I didn't want to; for me this is very important. The non-sexual perks were kinda awesome as well. You could have people you trusted intimately helping you with everyday life situations: rearing kids, cooking, cleaning, in-law control.  They also helped me shape my religious and political views. Gavin, in particular, turned me on to so many things I hadn't thought about in years (if ever), and helped  me work my way out of my religious indoctrination to see the world as it really is. An example of what I mean is helping me see my true worth as a woman and to become a feminist. I feel my life, over all, has been enriched by the experience.

I have learned a whole hell of a lot about myself sexually from being in this type of relationship. I got to try out all of the things I was either too scared to bring up with my (then) husband, or not comfortable enough to try with him. If you haven't noticed, even in everyday friendships, there are things we do with one friend that we may not want to do with another. This isn't because we care for one friend over another its just that we have different interests and intimacy levels. So, I was able to explore my sexuality in different ways with different  people and now I know more precisely what I like (and I know most other people honestly do not). I was also able to learn how to better express how I want the things I like and say "no" or "please do it this way". I'll go into detail about the things I like in a later post. ;)

So, "if having a poly relationship was so awesome why aren't you in one now?", you may ask. Well, it's simple, "I don't want to be". I got burned out, simple as that. Splitting my time between so many, and fighting the urge to have sex when I didn't want to became too much, so I decided not to do it anymore. I also found myself lying to partners to spend time with my (now) life partner. I asked myself, "Why become a bad person to do something I don't really want to do anymore? Should I keep up all the relationships to keep up appearances, or should I do what makes me happy?" It was an easy decision.

I also learned a hard lesson that led to the end of my relationships. It should have been easy for me to see and prepare for, but I found not all people involved are happy and will react in anger. I don't want to go into details, but both Gavin and I learned the hard way sometimes "love hurts" and it's not worth risking a known awesome thing for a possible terrible thing.

This is something I have been wanting to write down, so when I get asked the snarky question by old friends or family that are of the religious sort, "if it was so important why aren't you poly anymore?" I can just point them to this post. I happen to also think that looking back on your life and going through these kinds of questions in your head help you appreciate the decisions you have made. At least it does for me. For the record I am the happiest I have ever been in my life and that is what is important, but I wouldn't not trade my journey for anything.

Popping my cherry!! Yay!

So, I've been thinking about doing this for some time now. I love reading blogs and lots of my friends have one, but I have never felt like I had anything to contribute. Now that my life has been turned upside down, in the best way possible, I'm ready. So, Hello World.

My original idea was to focus on the sex (because its awesome), but I thought about it and yeah it's awesome, but it's not all that there is. I'll most likely eventually get a schedule going like: Monday is mommy talk, Tuesday is social equality discussion, Wednesday is sexy time and so on and so forth, but that is something I'll figure out as I go.

For my first post I thought I would share a little bit of who I am. I just finished a questionnaire posted by a lovely youtuber named Laci Green. She is awesome and you should watch her videos. You'll probably learn something. It's fun to do, and the writing may help you sort out things you haven't yet been able to work out just yet.

Sexual Awakenings
1. How did you learn about sex?
Word of mouth.... trying new things....TV....porn

2. Were you able to talk about sex with your parents?
If "don't do it until you are married" counts as talking about it :(.

3. Do you remember your first kiss? 
Yes. It was stupid, lol.

4. Tell us about an embarrassing moment you’ve had with sexuality/a partner/etc. 
Ummm... I'll get back to you.
5. How old were you when you made your sexual debut? Were you ready for it?
I was 19, attending 'Bible College', and engaged... was I ready?? Yeah, I was ready.

Relationships

6. Are you in a romantic or sexual relationship?
Yes, yes I am.... I have both of those things.

7. Would you prefer being in a relationship or being single? Why?
I prefer being in a relationship. I like having the support and being able to bolster someone else.

8. Would you ever consider a polyamorous relationship?
I was in a polyamorous for almost 3 years it was good, but when it got to the point my now partner and I realized we were ditching everyone else to spend time with each other, we thought it was time to be monogamous.

9. Have you ever cheated on a partner?
I would say no. I have engaged in some “risky behavior” my partner at the time didn't, but nothing unacceptable.

10. What was your longest relationship? Your shortest?
Longest: 11 years. Shortest: one day

11. What do you look for in a partner?
Good with my kids. Aware of the world we live in. Non-religious at the very least and Atheist at best. Progressive politics. Crazy hot, and able to make me feel like I'm crazy hot. Kind, funny, and good with a flogger ;)

12. Do you have any “deal breakers”?
Not good with my kids. A sex-negative attitude. Scared to try new things.

Sexploration
13. What is your favorite way to ask for consent?
It's normally all body language for me. I let them know I want them with my responses to their gestures and words. I'm pretty shy when it come to a first time go around.

14. What is your favorite position?
The one with the cock in my cunt.

15. Would you/have you had a one night stand?
I have, it was meh I don't feel the need to do it again.

16. What’s your favorite place to be touched by a partner?
Hips, ass, my “butt dimples”, neck, breasts, feet.

17. Is there anything that you’ve wanted to try sexually but haven’t (yet)?
More kink!! I would like to see what it feels like to be both completely submissive and completely dominant for at least a day, lol. I am waiting for my violet want to be delivered, I think that should be fun.

18. Would you/have you had group sex (3+ people)?
I have, it was awesome, and if the circumstances were right I would consider doing it again.

19. Would you/have you practiced BDSM?
Fuck yeah, and it's awesome.

20. Would you/have you done role-play?
I would, but I'm not very good at it. I get all shy trying to portray a character.

21. What is your biggest turn on? 
There is this way he grabs my body it makes me feel like I am a sex goddess and he has to have me right this second. So I guess making me feel sexy makes me want to make with the sexy. LOL :)

22. Biggest turn off?
People who think they know what I want and try and force me into something I don't want.

23. How often do you masturbate?
Less now than I used to, but I would say at least 2 to 3 times a week.

24. What do you think is the most erotic part of your body?
My legs. I love my calves, and my ankles are awesome, and my toes are a thing of beauty. I also really love my eyes... My breasts are kinda awesome too, LOL.

Self Love
25. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
My ability to grow out of things when they are no longer useful... like unsupported faith or an old bra. I also like that I am always learning new things and my kids are a huge part of that.

26. What’s your biggest accomplishment in the last 3 years?
When I gave birth to my third child last year.

27. Tell us one goal you have for yourself.
To make sure my kids grow into teachable, positive, loving, down to earth adults

28. How do you take care of yourself?

Taking time to shave my legs in the shower (if you have kids you know how hard that can be). Casting off society's (and my families) view of my life choices, and loving every second of it.

Hot Topics

29. Do you support a woman’s right to choose an abortion if she accidentally gets pregnant? 
Yes!

30. Do you think prostitution should be legal?
Yes, but there would need to be some regulation for the protection for all involved.

31. If you had a baby boy, would you have his foreskin removed (circumcise him)?
I didn't I feel it is something he should have a choice about when he is old enough to understand his options.

32. Should same-sex marriage be legal?
100%. It should be. The fact that it isn't now makes me sick.

33. Should comprehensive sex education be given in high schools or abstinence only?
Comprehensive!! The more understanding the better.

34. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I don't know yet.

35. Do you want to get married?
Yes. I'm poor and the tax breaks are awesome.

36. Do you want to have children?
Yes, I have them. I have 3 of them, and they are awesome. Do I want any more? Most likely, not.

37. What do you want to do for others before you die?
I want to be a part of making the world a safer, more tolerant, more loving place for myself, my kids, and future generations.

There you go! So, now you know a little bit more about me, and I'll do my best to keep up with this blog. Comment below!