I have been aware of sexism my entire life. The idea that women are less then men and should submit to them was force fed to me throughout my childhood as "the way God wants women to be". We should be meek, mild, good listeners and do as we are told by the men in our lives. These men could be your father, preacher, husband or really any man in an authority position in the church. The list of things women aren't allowed to do and the list of things they are supposed to do are both very long. When I broke away from my religious upbringing I thought for a little while I had got away from the major source of sexism in my life, and things would get better. For the most part I was right. I felt empowered as a woman and I could put the shame that I had been caring around just for the fact I was a female out of my mind, it did take some work.
Once I thought I was free from religious sexism I found there was truly no escaping sexism. It popped up in the form of government officials trying to pass policy restricting my rights to my body. It also screamed at me from the rambling of assholes on the internet. It is apparent in almost every facet of life from the sheer lack of female voices. It really hurts when you do find a female voice and they are clinging to their ideology of shame and trying to force in onto the rest of us. It always amazes me that when you point it out to people the lack of concern, willingness to talk about it at all, or anger at you for suggesting they would do or say anything sexist and it is you that must be sexist.
The title of this post is a quote from a conversation I had today at work with my female co-workers. I work at a church which is a liberal PCUSA church, but not all of the workers attend the church. I am one of the teachers that do not attend. This is how it all went down on the playground today.
My co-teacher (50 year old mother of 4) brought up the topic of a rape case from her son's high school. It involved a male teacher and a special-ed female student. The girl is 16 and the teacher, 30, insists the sex was consensual. The teacher that brought up the story was trying to explain that "now-a-days" 16 year old girls are nasty and it wasn't all this man's fault. I nearly flipped my shit. First, it's illegal for a 30 year old man to have sex with a 16 year old girl, PERIOD. There is no way around that. She insisted that "now-a-days" a 16 year old girl doesn't look like a 16 year old girl. I referred her back to my first point., but she wasn't buying it. So, second, a 16 year old person's brain is not hooked up the same way an adult's brain is and is therefore unable to calculate consequences the same way an adult can. She thought that was funny because her youngest son is 16. She tried to make some vague point about having sons, "knowing how men are" and "why was that male teacher left alone with those students?" If that is his job (and it would have been required of a female teacher in the same position) why wouldn't he? No answer. That was the end of any kind of intelligent conversation.
She then pointed out that her son went to the school where this happened and "that girl" was fine. Third, I don't care if she walked up naked, begging him to fuck her. He is still the adult and the teacher and he had a choice and he chose the wrong one.
"But he is only a man." I bit my tongue at that point. She went on to say that her poor son has it so hard at school because all the girls "now-a-days" are nasty, giving boys blowjobs in the bathroom at school and having sex. I think to myself that she was telling me last week she was teaching her son to use a condom properly because he was having sex. A few days later she told me her son broke up with his girlfriend and she was sad for him. So I put two and two together when she said, "girls now are either hoes or lesbians, and that is a problem." I said that I didn't see that as a problem. She said it was a problem because her son had no one to date. I laughed in her face. What she was really saying is her son is sad because he isn't getting any, so all the girls must be either sluts or lesbians. She also threw something in about God putting us on the earth to reproduce, and that being gay was "just not natural, but I don't hate them." So, you want your son reproducing at 16? "Well no, but just think how he must feel about it." It was so crazy, she was slut shaming on behalf of her son who can't get laid. I was amazed. She is an adult and I thought she was pretty progressive, I guess I was wrong.
Earlier in the week I got into one of those "online debates" with this stupid guy who thought it was okay to be a misogynist on the internet. The funny thing was that it all started in the comments section of a youtube video posted by a sex-positive feminist. So, it feels like I'm surrounded by sexism and there is no escape. I feel like my happy bubble of blissful ignorance has been popped. I'm a little sad, but I am more grateful than anything. Facts are always better than fictions. At least now I am far more motivated to fight sexism in whatever form it takes, whether it be a mom upset her son is having a hard time finding a new girlfriend, or stupidity on the internet. I am a woman, and it is high time I really stepped up to all that it means and do my best to make a difference.
