Female Ejaculation

Let me get started by saying that I am an ejaculating female. So anything that I say here that may make any other females out there that ejaculate feel uncomfortable or make them worry completely applies to myself as well as them. I will also say I fully believe that the fluid we ejaculate isn't solely urine and is a unique fluid produced from the  Skene's glands during orgasm. 


Ok onto the big questions. What exactly is female ejaculation? To put it simply, squirting/gushing is a fluid release that happens before,during, and possibly after the female orgasm. The fluid itself has been at the center of an ongoing debate in the scientific world for some time now. Some say that it is mostly a “stress induced incontinence” however upon further study it was found that the majority of women that reported ejaculation didn't have issues with incontinence in any other time of their daily lives. I myself would fall into this category. Further studies of the fluid found that there were some components of urine in the fluid but it wasn't solely composed of urine. Doctors now believe that it is the  Skene's glands that are making the fluid. They are very closely mingled with the urinary tract so it does make it hard to study. One experiment used a chemical called methylene blue which dyes the urine. After orgasm the chemical was found in her urine, but only in trace amounts in the ejaculated fluid. So I feel it is safe to say that the fluid is different from urine and should not be treated as such.

If all women have the same parts why don't all women ejaculate? Well for the same reason not all vaginas look the same or have the same level of sensitivity. Yes we all have the same basic build, but our genetics make us all work a little differently. Some people believe squirting can be taught and has a lot to do with the comfort level a woman has with her partner. I happen to agree with this idea. If you want to lean how to do this here is what I think is an affective method of training your body to do so. You will need to simultaneously stimulate your clitoris and your G-spot. However the G-spot is the most important part. If you don't know for most women it can be located inside, at the front of the vagina. Pressure here may cause you to have the sensation of needing to pee because it is located near those  Skene's glands, but don't let it hold you back. While you or you and your partner, or you and your toys are going for it when you feel you are about to orgasm instead of squeezing in with your pelvic floor muscles, as most of us do, push out and let it flow. I have to say from personal experience its one of the best feeling ever.

How much fluid will their be? Again its different for every woman, but the doctors say the  Skene's glands can excreting 30–50 mL (6–10 tsp) in 30–50 seconds. However I will say it is unclear how this was measured so take it with a grain of salt. So to say the least it could be a lot of fluid and if you are capable of multiple orgasms, like myself, it could be a lot more than that. There have been days and nights when I get out of bed and look at all the come and there is a three foot or larger puddle where I was just laying. Its crazy and awesome and sometimes cold lol. I want to stress this is nothing to be ashamed of. I have on occasion taken pictures of my sexy messes because the are so awesome.

What are the social implications of female ejaculation? For most women they think they have just peed all over their partner and are embarrassed. So in future encounters they hold back and some times keep themselves from orgasm all together. Shame is a huge motivator and it tends to keep us from having the good things in life and this is no different. Some women may even keep themselves from having intimate relationships all together. This breaks my heart. When I think back to the first time I did it I had no idea what happened I was freaking out I thought I just ruined this person's couch and it was the fist time we had sex. When we both got up he looked at me and said did you know you could do this? I said “do what?” He explained squirting to me and told me he loved it and thought it was awesome. If this had not been my experience I don't know what I would have done (a year and a half later I married him). This is a natural biological happening and should be celebrated for what it is a surrender to the pleasures our bodies can give us. The female body and its functions have long been viewed a gross and women have been treated badly, to say the least, because of this. Acceptance of this particular bodily function into “normality” and becoming viewed as just another awesome thing a woman’s bodies can do is important to me because I do it and its awesome. No woman should be ashamed of what her body can do, especially when its an expression of sexual pleasure. 

Memorial Day

 This weekend is a weekend to remember those in service to this country, fighting for our rights and freedoms we all enjoy. At least that is what we are all told and maybe that is what it once was, it's not about that anymore.

All I can think of or remember is the thousands of men, women, and children that are dead or dying in this needless sham of a terror war that we are currently engaged in. There have been so many civilians killed in the last 10 years of this 'war', it's heart breaking, most of them killed in those wonderful unmanned drone attacks. They say that they “save” Americans but the “collateral damage” is counted by the deaths of innocent civilian children. In Iraq alone, according to the Iraq Body Count Project, since 2003 to 2011 there have been 89,185 civilian deaths.

From the beginning this war has been about money, oil, and pride. It has never had anything to do with American safety. We have known from the start that the great majority of the terrorists that flew those planes into the trade centers were from Saudi Arabia, but did we go to war with them? No. Why, because we have this deal with them to supply our oil habit. It's no wonder why the people of Saudi Arabia hate America. We prop up one of the most oppressive, anti-human rights, theocratic governments in the world, but hey it's all good, they sell us oil.

The idea that the war we are fighting now is a fight for our rights and freedoms is laughable. How is this possible when all Americans aren't treated fairly or equally under the law? When there are laws being posed that would restrict a woman's access to birth control for religious reasons. Or the laws that are attempting to restrict a woman's right to choose what to keep in her body for religious reasons. Or the laws that would prosecute a woman for miscarrying they fetus she was attempting to carry for religious reasons. Or the wonderful purposed idea that would force a woman to carry to term a fetus that is dead the way farm animals are forced to.

Then there is the fact that in 33 states a gay couple cannot get a government issued legal document of marriage for religious reasons. Maybe the reason American politicians get along so well with Saudi Arabian officials is because they want to be just like them when they grow up. Just change the name of the god, and the holy book and there you go; Christian Sharia Law. Before long we will be locking up and executing people for not conforming to their ideas of religious laws. President Obama just this year signed the Nation Defense Authorization Act that make it possible for the government to arrest anyone, including American citizens, for being suspected of “terrorism”. Those legally defined terms can mean whatever the government wants it to. The NDAA would also let the government hold that person without telling them what they have been charged with for as long as they want and then try and sentence them without their knowledge or input. Is is really that far of a stretch to see how this could so easily be abused?

George Carlin said, “Right aren't “rights” if someone can take them away- They're privileges. That's all we've ever had in this country: a bill of temporary privileges. And if you read the news, even badly, you know that the list gets shorter and shorter.” He is exactly right. What we call rights don't seem to be rights at all. They have been refused, taken away, and we have voted to give them away (though I didn't) out of fear and hatred. What we are working with now are only privileges and not every American is working with the same set of privileges. If this doesn't upset you I have to assume you are one of the many that have been brainwashed by the Republican party, Fox news and/or the church, and I am incredibly sad for you.

This is what floods my mind when I think about Memorial Day this year, unnecessary death and stolen rights. I don't see the point in celebrating, but I will take the day off to try and explain to my kids why voting is so important.

What I Learned From 2 1/2 Years in Polyamorous Relationships.

Out of all the shocking events my friends and family watched during my deconversion, my foray into poly relationships was one of the biggest; at least it seemed that way to me. It was what I got the most questions about anyway. It was kinda funny to me to listen to peoples' concerns that ranged from the effects on my marriage, how I would explain it to my kids, STDs, and what I would do if I became pregnant. To me, the answers to these questions were simple... the same thing any sexually active unwed parent would: with caution and information. I thought that would be obvious, but I guess not. I have to assume the idea that I could sleep with more than one person at time and be happy just wouldn't fit into their heads.

I want to define what a polyamorous relationship is so there is no confusion. I also want to mention that my relationship met all of these guide lines. A polyamorous relationship is one in which all members involved are consenting adults and are aware of the separate relationships their partners are involved in. Everyone knows before getting involved that exclusiveness is not to be expected in other partners and everyone is good with this idea.

The meat of this post is, "what I learned from my experiences as a slut". Well, to start off it can be complicated. I had five partners that I would see on a semi-regular basis, and it got hard to divide up the time between them all. That lead to hurt feelings and jealousy. Jealousy can be a big problem if not kept in check. When someone feels they should be getting more time from a partner and it just wasn't there to give resentment can grow, so communication is very important to say the least. I also had to keep an eye out for any of them trying to undermine any of my other relationships or partners. A prime piece of advice for anyone thinking about starting this type of relationship, "don't start one with someone how doesn't really want it, too. It won't work and people will just get hurt".

I also found it can be pretty awesome when it does work. One of the most meaningful sexual experiences I have had was a threesome that involved my life partner and another male partner. I felt surrounded by love, and it was beautiful. There is also the ability to never have to go a day without sex if I didn't want to; for me this is very important. The non-sexual perks were kinda awesome as well. You could have people you trusted intimately helping you with everyday life situations: rearing kids, cooking, cleaning, in-law control.  They also helped me shape my religious and political views. Gavin, in particular, turned me on to so many things I hadn't thought about in years (if ever), and helped  me work my way out of my religious indoctrination to see the world as it really is. An example of what I mean is helping me see my true worth as a woman and to become a feminist. I feel my life, over all, has been enriched by the experience.

I have learned a whole hell of a lot about myself sexually from being in this type of relationship. I got to try out all of the things I was either too scared to bring up with my (then) husband, or not comfortable enough to try with him. If you haven't noticed, even in everyday friendships, there are things we do with one friend that we may not want to do with another. This isn't because we care for one friend over another its just that we have different interests and intimacy levels. So, I was able to explore my sexuality in different ways with different  people and now I know more precisely what I like (and I know most other people honestly do not). I was also able to learn how to better express how I want the things I like and say "no" or "please do it this way". I'll go into detail about the things I like in a later post. ;)

So, "if having a poly relationship was so awesome why aren't you in one now?", you may ask. Well, it's simple, "I don't want to be". I got burned out, simple as that. Splitting my time between so many, and fighting the urge to have sex when I didn't want to became too much, so I decided not to do it anymore. I also found myself lying to partners to spend time with my (now) life partner. I asked myself, "Why become a bad person to do something I don't really want to do anymore? Should I keep up all the relationships to keep up appearances, or should I do what makes me happy?" It was an easy decision.

I also learned a hard lesson that led to the end of my relationships. It should have been easy for me to see and prepare for, but I found not all people involved are happy and will react in anger. I don't want to go into details, but both Gavin and I learned the hard way sometimes "love hurts" and it's not worth risking a known awesome thing for a possible terrible thing.

This is something I have been wanting to write down, so when I get asked the snarky question by old friends or family that are of the religious sort, "if it was so important why aren't you poly anymore?" I can just point them to this post. I happen to also think that looking back on your life and going through these kinds of questions in your head help you appreciate the decisions you have made. At least it does for me. For the record I am the happiest I have ever been in my life and that is what is important, but I wouldn't not trade my journey for anything.

A Rant

I am feeling a little off at the moment so this may not make a lot of since and I'm sorry about that. Tomorrow starts my son's first spring break and his dad is taking him and his sister on a trip to meet his uncle, which is great. I want them to know both sides of their family, but I can't help but feel a little bit sad. This is the first time they have gone on a trip with their dad and its several states away. They are so far away and I miss the first spring break. Its also the first time they have left me. How is this the first time in 3 years I am having to deal with this?  We have been on several trips, but this feel different for some reason. It may be that it is also the first time that the idea of custody issue even popped into my head. We have always been so close the kids have either been in the apartment under ours with their dad or just down the hall it has been something we talked about custody but I have never really thought seriously about it. Now for some reason this is started an almost panic in me. How much time could I be spending apart from my babies in the future? I can't even think clearly and they have only been gone for several hours. How do people deal with this?

Hoes and Lesbians

I have been aware of sexism my entire life. The idea that women are less then men and should submit to them was force fed to me throughout my childhood as "the way God wants women to be". We should be meek, mild, good listeners and do as we are told by the men in our lives. These men could be your father, preacher, husband or really any man in an authority position in the church. The list of things women aren't allowed to do and the list of things they are supposed to do are both very long. When I broke away from my religious upbringing I thought for a little while I had got away from the major source of sexism in my life, and things would get better. For the most part I was right. I felt empowered as a woman and I could put the shame that I had been caring around just for the fact I was a female out of my mind, it did take some work.

Once I thought I was free from religious sexism I found there was truly no escaping sexism. It popped up in the form of government officials trying to pass policy restricting my rights to my body. It also screamed at me from the rambling of assholes on the internet. It is apparent in almost every facet of life from the sheer lack of female voices. It really hurts when you do find a female voice and they are clinging to their ideology of shame and trying to force in onto the rest of us. It always amazes me that when you point it out to people the lack of concern, willingness to talk about it at all, or anger at you for suggesting they would do or say anything sexist and it is you that must be sexist.

The title of this post is a quote from a conversation I had today at work with my female co-workers. I work at a church which is a liberal PCUSA church, but not all of the workers attend the church. I am one of the teachers that do not attend. This is how it all went down on the playground today.

My co-teacher (50 year old mother of 4) brought up the topic of a rape case from her son's high school. It involved a male teacher and a special-ed female student. The girl is 16 and the teacher, 30, insists the sex was consensual. The teacher that brought up the story was trying to explain that "now-a-days" 16 year old girls are nasty and it wasn't all this man's fault. I nearly flipped my shit. First, it's illegal for a 30 year old man to have sex with a 16 year old girl, PERIOD. There is no way around that. She insisted that "now-a-days" a 16 year old girl doesn't look like a 16 year old girl. I referred her back to my first point., but she wasn't buying it. So, second, a 16 year old person's brain is not hooked up the same way an adult's brain is and is therefore unable to calculate consequences the same way an adult can. She thought that was funny because her youngest son is 16. She tried to make some vague point about having sons, "knowing how men are" and "why was that male teacher left alone with those students?" If that is his job (and it would have been required of a female teacher in the same position) why wouldn't he? No answer. That was the end of any kind of intelligent conversation.

She then pointed out that her son went to the school where this happened and "that girl" was fine. Third, I don't care if she walked up naked, begging him to fuck her. He is still the adult and the teacher and he had a choice and he chose the wrong one.

"But he is only a man." I bit my tongue at that point. She went on to say that her poor son has it so hard at school because all the girls "now-a-days" are nasty, giving boys blowjobs in the bathroom at school and having sex. I think to myself that she was telling me last week she was teaching her son to use a condom properly because he was having sex. A few days later she told me her son broke up with his girlfriend and she was sad for him. So I put two and two together when she said, "girls now are either hoes or lesbians, and that is a problem." I said that I didn't see that as a problem. She said it was a problem because her son had no one to date. I laughed in her face. What she was really saying is her son  is sad because he isn't getting any, so all the girls must be either sluts or lesbians. She also threw something in about God putting us on the earth to reproduce, and that being gay was "just not natural, but I don't hate them." So, you want your son reproducing at 16? "Well no, but just think how he must feel about it." It was so crazy, she was slut shaming on behalf of her son who can't get laid. I was amazed. She is an adult and I thought she was pretty progressive, I guess I was wrong.

Earlier in the week I got into one of those "online debates" with this stupid guy who thought it was okay to be a misogynist on the internet. The funny thing was that it all started in the comments section of a youtube video posted by a sex-positive feminist. So, it feels like I'm surrounded by sexism and there is no escape. I feel like my happy bubble of blissful ignorance has been popped. I'm a little sad, but I am more grateful than anything. Facts are always better than fictions. At least now I am far more motivated to fight sexism in whatever form it takes, whether it be a mom upset her son is having a hard time finding a new girlfriend, or stupidity on the internet. I am a woman, and it is high time I really stepped up to all that it means and do my best to make a difference.

Hitachi Magic Wand

I know this particular wand is nothing new and many of you have probably already played with one, but I just got my first one. I have been waiting to write about it until I used it alone and during sex. So, the big question is, "did it get me off??" Yes it did, unlike any other vibrator ever has, over and over again.

Compare and Contrast
I found that the vibration it produced was very different than what I was used to. I have used lots of different kinds of battery powered vibrators, very successfully. The problem is they all have tiny motors. They get the job done but they just can't produce the deep penetrating vibrations the Hitachi can. I had no idea the difference it would make. Not to mention that it plugs into your wall socket so it wont lose power over time.
Another perk of the Hitachi is that it as all kinds of add-ons you can get. You can find attachments that turn it into an insertable as well as huge array of other fun accessories. I think my favorite, and maybe my next purchase, is a pillow you can insert the wand into so you can straddle the wand and grind on it however you like. It just looks like so much fun to me. Or, I could just save myself the money and make one.... dun, dun, duuunnnn!

Used Alone
I have to admit the first time I used it for just my pleasure I was so intimidated by its size, its HUGE! I had to have my partner use it on me. I came within literally 30 seconds. I was thinking to myself, "ok I'm done, that was awesome". But, no, my partner had other ideas. He went on and gave me orgasm after orgasm. They were maybe 10 seconds apart. I am multi-orgasmic, so everyone may not achieve the same results, but it's worth a shot.

Partner Use
This, if applied at the right time, can be so much fun. Near the end of a session when you can feel things coming to their climatic end, grab your friend Hitachi. For penis in vagina sex it's kinda cool because it turns your partner's penis into a vibrator, at least it feels like one. From what I am told it's pretty nice for the penis as well. As I am in a monogamous hetero relationship I am not going to comment on the applications for our gay and lesbian users. I can only imagine the possibilities, and I do on a regular basis.

I have heard some people voice concerns about it being a possible mood killer. All the fumbling around pulling out your toys and what not. I have one piece of advice for you people, plan ahead! Keep it in an easy place to get to. Mine stays at the side of my bed plugged in at all times. Get an extension cord if you have to. The fun and excitement of "spicing it up" from time to time is important to any couple's sex life. Seriously though, if you think taking the time to give your partner an amazing orgasm "ruins the mood" you are dead wrong.

To sum up, the Hitachi Magic Wand is an amazing piece of equipment that everyone should have. It is extremely versatile and deserves at least a test run. It is so much better than your everyday run-of-the-mill battery powered vibrator and only experiencing it will prove it to you. If you buy one and you don't like it, (there are a rare few that don't) it still makes an excellent, non-sexual muscle massaging device. I mean, that is what it was originally made to be anyway. So, there is nothing to lose. Go get one today. And if you don't want to venture into your local sex shop I'll be nice and leave you a link so you can buy it online and it will be delivered to you in one of those nice nondescript boxes.

Shop well and have fun. Please leave me a comment and tell me your stories with your Hitachi.

Popping my cherry!! Yay!

So, I've been thinking about doing this for some time now. I love reading blogs and lots of my friends have one, but I have never felt like I had anything to contribute. Now that my life has been turned upside down, in the best way possible, I'm ready. So, Hello World.

My original idea was to focus on the sex (because its awesome), but I thought about it and yeah it's awesome, but it's not all that there is. I'll most likely eventually get a schedule going like: Monday is mommy talk, Tuesday is social equality discussion, Wednesday is sexy time and so on and so forth, but that is something I'll figure out as I go.

For my first post I thought I would share a little bit of who I am. I just finished a questionnaire posted by a lovely youtuber named Laci Green. She is awesome and you should watch her videos. You'll probably learn something. It's fun to do, and the writing may help you sort out things you haven't yet been able to work out just yet.

Sexual Awakenings
1. How did you learn about sex?
Word of mouth.... trying new things....TV....porn

2. Were you able to talk about sex with your parents?
If "don't do it until you are married" counts as talking about it :(.

3. Do you remember your first kiss? 
Yes. It was stupid, lol.

4. Tell us about an embarrassing moment you’ve had with sexuality/a partner/etc. 
Ummm... I'll get back to you.
5. How old were you when you made your sexual debut? Were you ready for it?
I was 19, attending 'Bible College', and engaged... was I ready?? Yeah, I was ready.

Relationships

6. Are you in a romantic or sexual relationship?
Yes, yes I am.... I have both of those things.

7. Would you prefer being in a relationship or being single? Why?
I prefer being in a relationship. I like having the support and being able to bolster someone else.

8. Would you ever consider a polyamorous relationship?
I was in a polyamorous for almost 3 years it was good, but when it got to the point my now partner and I realized we were ditching everyone else to spend time with each other, we thought it was time to be monogamous.

9. Have you ever cheated on a partner?
I would say no. I have engaged in some “risky behavior” my partner at the time didn't, but nothing unacceptable.

10. What was your longest relationship? Your shortest?
Longest: 11 years. Shortest: one day

11. What do you look for in a partner?
Good with my kids. Aware of the world we live in. Non-religious at the very least and Atheist at best. Progressive politics. Crazy hot, and able to make me feel like I'm crazy hot. Kind, funny, and good with a flogger ;)

12. Do you have any “deal breakers”?
Not good with my kids. A sex-negative attitude. Scared to try new things.

Sexploration
13. What is your favorite way to ask for consent?
It's normally all body language for me. I let them know I want them with my responses to their gestures and words. I'm pretty shy when it come to a first time go around.

14. What is your favorite position?
The one with the cock in my cunt.

15. Would you/have you had a one night stand?
I have, it was meh I don't feel the need to do it again.

16. What’s your favorite place to be touched by a partner?
Hips, ass, my “butt dimples”, neck, breasts, feet.

17. Is there anything that you’ve wanted to try sexually but haven’t (yet)?
More kink!! I would like to see what it feels like to be both completely submissive and completely dominant for at least a day, lol. I am waiting for my violet want to be delivered, I think that should be fun.

18. Would you/have you had group sex (3+ people)?
I have, it was awesome, and if the circumstances were right I would consider doing it again.

19. Would you/have you practiced BDSM?
Fuck yeah, and it's awesome.

20. Would you/have you done role-play?
I would, but I'm not very good at it. I get all shy trying to portray a character.

21. What is your biggest turn on? 
There is this way he grabs my body it makes me feel like I am a sex goddess and he has to have me right this second. So I guess making me feel sexy makes me want to make with the sexy. LOL :)

22. Biggest turn off?
People who think they know what I want and try and force me into something I don't want.

23. How often do you masturbate?
Less now than I used to, but I would say at least 2 to 3 times a week.

24. What do you think is the most erotic part of your body?
My legs. I love my calves, and my ankles are awesome, and my toes are a thing of beauty. I also really love my eyes... My breasts are kinda awesome too, LOL.

Self Love
25. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
My ability to grow out of things when they are no longer useful... like unsupported faith or an old bra. I also like that I am always learning new things and my kids are a huge part of that.

26. What’s your biggest accomplishment in the last 3 years?
When I gave birth to my third child last year.

27. Tell us one goal you have for yourself.
To make sure my kids grow into teachable, positive, loving, down to earth adults

28. How do you take care of yourself?

Taking time to shave my legs in the shower (if you have kids you know how hard that can be). Casting off society's (and my families) view of my life choices, and loving every second of it.

Hot Topics

29. Do you support a woman’s right to choose an abortion if she accidentally gets pregnant? 
Yes!

30. Do you think prostitution should be legal?
Yes, but there would need to be some regulation for the protection for all involved.

31. If you had a baby boy, would you have his foreskin removed (circumcise him)?
I didn't I feel it is something he should have a choice about when he is old enough to understand his options.

32. Should same-sex marriage be legal?
100%. It should be. The fact that it isn't now makes me sick.

33. Should comprehensive sex education be given in high schools or abstinence only?
Comprehensive!! The more understanding the better.

34. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I don't know yet.

35. Do you want to get married?
Yes. I'm poor and the tax breaks are awesome.

36. Do you want to have children?
Yes, I have them. I have 3 of them, and they are awesome. Do I want any more? Most likely, not.

37. What do you want to do for others before you die?
I want to be a part of making the world a safer, more tolerant, more loving place for myself, my kids, and future generations.

There you go! So, now you know a little bit more about me, and I'll do my best to keep up with this blog. Comment below!